me4thoughts

Blog has moved!!

proverb31girl — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:24:52 +0000

Not sure why this hasn’t happened automatically but my blog has moved!!

Thanks for visiting and please leave a comment or 5!

Jess

Up to bat

proverb31girl — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 14:52:52 +0000

Yesterday was my first day in my new position and I must say, I’m impressed. With my boss, with myself. I thought I had certain work habits, flaws and characteristics that would be hard to change. I’m afraid of speaking to new people. I prefer email over telephone. Upper management intimidates me when they catch me off guard. I’m not very friendly due to my shy tendencies. All of these “flaws” have been challenged in the past 24 hours and all of these “flaws” will soon be distant memories of the Jess that was.

I’ve realized how easy it is to sit on the side line and do what I’m comfortable with – watch the game…cheer others on…and do what I know how to do. I’ve realized how hard it is to stand up on the side line and take the first step toward the field. I’ve realized how scary it is to be walking up to bat. I’ve realized how anxious one can get when standing at the plate watching the ball floating in the air between the pitcher and yourself. But I’ve now realized how good it feels to swing the bat and to my surprise, hit the ball. The ball might not go far, but there was contact. And now it’s time to run the bases. My heart is racing with excitement and when I’m now standing safely on first base, I can’t wait for the chance to run to second.

That’s life. That’s stepping out of your comfort zone. That’s taking a chance. That’s letting go. That’s having faith. That’s making every day count. That’s living on purpose. That’s…a life changing moment.

My old boss would give me an assignment and ask me if I’m comfortable doing it or do I need someone to walk me through it. She opened the door for self doubt. She asked me if I wanted to play the game or cheer from the sideline. My new boss gave me an assignment. He gave me papers and told me to report when it’s done and sent me on my way. No chance to say “but I don’t know how” or “but I’m not sure”…”but it’s my first day…” He came up to me, handed me a bat and a helmet and said “suit up, you’re on deck.” I had no choice. And to my surprise, and probably mine only, I hit the ball. I guess that’s the difference between a coordinator and a manager. That’s how people get the corner office with a window rather than a hidden cubicle. Everyone knew I could do it except me.

I’ve learned one thing new – I’ll never know the things I can do if I never try new things.

In a new place now

proverb31girl — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:09:30 +0000

Many people live by the fact that God has a plan much bigger than our own. Some of us do it on purpose, and others of us just kind of fall into it with faith. I’m part of the latter group. I love the people that never worry because they know God has a plan. They never hesitate or have problems making decisions. They just let God lead them through life. Part of me is jealous of those types – but then again – I think it’s more exciting to have anxiety, worry, concern, depression, ups and downs and confusion because only then, when we look back at our path, do we say that God will have his way whether we are helping or not.

A few weeks ago I was looking for a new job and was pretty sure God had led me to one. I mean seriously, who would have picked to work a job that required some nights and weekends at an apartment complex that you just moved out of with pretty harsh feelings towards? That sounds like God to me. And they found me and asked me to interview. So I did. Twice on the phone. Twice in person. This took close to a month. Although it seemed crazy to take the job I knew that I would if it was offered to me. I was really excited about the job too. But then no call came through when they said. I followed up a few days later to get the “we’re interested in you…but we’ll call you when we have more information.” That was about a month and a half ago. I faithfully kept working at my job and praying and seeking God and getting annoyed by the no call. 4 interviews people. That’s a lot of time to spend with someone that you’re going to end up not hiring.

But that opened my eyes to the little things I DO like about my company. Like the 3-4 week vacation. And the 401K i’m allowed to participate in, and the day hours that end in time to spend every evening and weekend with my husband and friends, etc. I also dealt w/ the fact that I had a pride issue. At first I wasn’t considering the position because it’s “below” my places I’ve worked in the past. I mean come on, I worked in Greenwich with celebrities, I work on international trade shows and sleep in fancy hotels…I’m above working in Wappingers Falls planning events for an apartment complex and running Guitar Hero night for kids. Oh wait – no I’m not. I’m just me and a job is a job.

So you can tell, I never got that call. I didn’t get the job. So I kept working at mine when I realized that a position in my company opened up. It’s a big step above what I was doing but thought it would be interesting to look into. Sure I’d still have to work in White Plains but I’d get rid of a lot of the things/people that were making me look for a new job to start with. And more money is always nice.

So I interviewed for it and stayed loyal to my position as I waited. I then got offered the position. New job, new responsibilities, new team, new bosses, new title, new office – you read right, not a cubical – AN OFFICE…WITH A WINDOW! And a good pay raise. I started today and realized that I’m only sitting in this seat because of God and him having a bigger plan for me. I’m not happily in a secure position working for people I greatly admire and respect from a business perspective. Amen to that.

And oh yea, i’m working for 2 of the coolest largest growing shows in the company. Forgot to mention that part

it’s a big big big big crazy world….kind of.

proverb31girl — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:20:59 +0000

The world baffles me lately. Just when I think I have people figured out – I’m wrong. The person that doesn’t talk to you for weeks suddenly is chatting your ear off. The person who seems down to earth ends up holding a grudge. The mature start acting immature and vis versa. Life changes in an instinct – are we ready for it? I guess we have to be. Life changes and there’s really nothing we can do about it for the most part. Life is given and life is taken away. One pleasant phone call will soon be followed by 3 harsh ones. Emotions change. Actions change. And sometimes it makes no sense.

I think we expect people to act a certain way and that’s why we end up confused and disappointed. We think that people should always stay the same, or react to things the way that we do. The way that makes sense to us. But people don’t make sense. The only thing that makes sense is God. And when I say this, please know that half the time, he doesn’t make sense to me. But I have faith that in the overall scheme of things, he makes sense. People say things to me for a certain reason and things happen that affect me for a certain reason. Life becomes much easier when you have this faith. It’s just a struggle to have it when you’re in the middle of the change.

Real Faith

proverb31girl — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:24:01 +0000

Lately I’m discovering what real faith is. Real faith is trusting that God has a plan bigger than my own and that He knows best. Real faith is knowing that I’m going to have struggles but come out on top in the end. Real faith is crying my eyes out with pain but then wiping away the tears, realizing that there is a purpose to everything i’m going through. So I know what real faith is and I’m starting to believe that I have it…but man…it’s not easy. I guess it’s not supposed to be – or I wouldn’t need real faith.

Oh…Hi! Oh!!!

proverb31girl — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:32:50 +0000

Get it? OHIO! Ohio and I have a very special relationship. I think I may be the only New Yorker who loves Ohio. There were others – but those that I knew of, moved there. So is that how it works? You live somewhere – you find somewhere else you like better – so you move there? Seems to be. I seem to have that small (haha) factor of waiting for God to tell me to go. So you may be thinking – is this Jess saying that she’s moving to Ohio? Nope – it’s not. Is it me saying that I secretly hope that I do? Yup.

Many people do not understand my obsession with Ohio. Chris didn’t, until we went last summer that is. In my opinion, it’s the best state I’ve been to in the US. It’s a perfect balance of beauty, peace, excitment, and all that the US has to offer. It’s not the middle of nowhere but it’s definitely not a big city place. It’s got the feel of the midwest-country hospitality but doesn’t move as slow as the south. There are cities to visit and work in that are driving distance from miles and miles of open land. The grass is green and the sky is blue. It’s just the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to and it just feels like home when I’m there – even though I’ve never been able to call it home.

So the reason I’m telling you all this? Chris and I are going to Ohio again! We were supposed to stay there overnight going to Cornerstone (in Illinois) and overnight on the way home but our trip has been extended! We’ll be staying 3 days in Ohio, 2 of which in tiny Malta, a town in which Chris’ friend lives with his wife and newborn son, and then another night in familiar Akron, where we stayed last year.

I’m nervous. I’m nervous for 2 reasons. This amount of time in Ohio will either confirm my love for Ohio and cause me to return to NY bummed to be back as I did last year, or it will bring me to the realization that Ohio isn’t the peaceful haven that I have in my head. I know it’s wrong to anticipate disappointment but I guess I am. Hopefully this will change sometime within the next 3 weeks

In case you don’t know my history with Ohio – here it is. My dad went to Ohio University for his undergrad. He loved it there. He played football for the school and the one picture I adore of my father was when he was younger - its a beautiful photo of him in the grass wearing a bright green ohio shirt and sporting a 70s fro. It’s the only time I think I’ve seen him THAT happy and full of life. He transfered out before graduating to go to college with my mom in Brooklyn. Based on his stories I know he doesn’t regret his decision – but he does recognize how different his life would have been should he have stayed in Ohio. Fast forward to my high school experience, where I meet and date a guy who lo and behold – is preparing to go to Ohio University. *Note this is NOT Ohio State, this is a small private school in the same state.* We stay together while he’s there so I went out to visit a few times and I fell in love with not only the school, but the state. The campus is beautiful, as are the people and the town in little Athens, Ohio. I beg my parents to take me out to Ohio to look at schools and discover that one campus is prettier than the next. I applied and got early acceptance into Ohio University as a journalism major with a minor in dance. I was so psyched to be just like my dad and go to his school. I even wore MY Ohio shirt in my high school yearbook! Then senior year of high school got weird and I freaked out. I didn’t want to take a plane to go to school – so I didn’t go. I stayed in NY and went to school in the 3rd cloudiest, rundown, lifeless city in America, Binghamton. Needless to say, I spent many hours regretting my decision but ultimately know that my life wouldn’t be what it is right now if I had gone to Ohio. Chris and I went to Ohio last year, as noted above, and he loved it as much as I do. So we’ll see what happens this year!

Here’s our schedule as of now:

June 27-29: Malta, OH
June 29-30: Akron, OH
June 30-July 6: Bushnell, IL
July 6-7: Akron, OH
**July 7th – our 2 year anniversary!**
July 7th – return home to Fishkill, NY

torn

proverb31girl — Mon, 26 May 2008 18:12:31 +0000

I feel like I’m constantly torn – indecisive really. Every day faced with situtations, questions and challenges that cause me to choose a direction that may alter the course of my future or of someone else’s. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s easy. Lately it’s hard. Do I do what i want to do or do I do what I should do? Do I say yes to something I should say no to? Do I turn around knowing someone may get hurt? Do I shut my mouth when I want to have my voice heard? It’s hard and to anyone who can relate — you’re not alone. Just stay close to God and pray that he helps you make the right decision.

A long but good 8 days away

proverb31girl — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:45:18 +0000

So it’s Wednesday night…9:41pm to be exact, and i’m sitting in the back office at the Javits Center. Our show closed today. I’ve been here since 7am. I’ve been in NYC going on 8 days and let me tell you, it’s been a learning experience. I’ve landed myself in many positions that I didn’t expect to be in and I must say that I’ve come out on top at most times. I’ve gotten into conversations that challenged me (and my character) and I’ve let people into my life that I didn’t see coming. I have lots of stories but the main point is that I’ve learned that judging a person is allowing them to judge me in return. If I’m open to people and what they have to say life is a bit more enjoyable and I may learn that the friends I’m looking for are right in front of me. And maybe, just maybe, they’re in my life for a real specific reason. My future is changing. God is putting me on a path that I didn’t expect (go figure right?). My involvements are changing, my heart is growing, and my eyes are seeing things in a different light. It’s an amazing journey I’m on and I’m so excited to see what’s going to come of it.

A great day prediction

proverb31girl — Tue, 13 May 2008 11:46:49 +0000

So posting hasn’t happened much recently due to the fact that work is insane right now. And on top of that, life itself has been a bit insane. But here I am, the day before I leave for my 8 day trip to the city, sitting at work at 7:30am and completely set on not starting to work until 8am.

I came in this morning and said good morning to the guy at the front desk at our building. I simply continued by saying “it’s going to be a great day today!” And he said “well that’s great to hear! The best to you.”

And I thought “huh? I was talking about the weather…I DID look outside while saying that didn’t I?” But walked into the elevator with a big smile on my face thinking “hm, yea, I guess today COULD be a great day.”

Is that really all it takes? Speaking out loud that I’m going to have a great day…for me to actually have a great day? Well, I think it’s a big part of it. I’m finding every day that mentality is everything. If you start out your day planning on disaster, you really shouldn’t be surprised when it happens, but often we are. And we then justify everything by saying “I knew this would happen.” Well duh, you probably made it happen without realizing it.

The other day I was in the best mood I’d been in at work in forever. I was singing and drumming my hands on my legs and smiling and talking to everyone and I think I was even skipping down the hall at one point… - I was on the top of the world. Why? I have no clue. I listened to a few of my favorite songs in the morning, prayed for a few friends and set in my head that NOTHING was going to bring me down. And wooo it was a great few hours. Until of course I forgot all about this and let the day get to me and ended up crying at my desk by 4pm. That’s the problem with mentalities – they can change in an instant and our emotions, actions and moods often change just as quickly.

So here’s my challenge – to myself and to anyone reading – think about how you want your day to go, and to end, and then do everything in your power to make this happen. Remember that defense is the best offense! Defend your day – don’t let anyone ruin it! Okay I sound like a coach right now but seriously, I think we all need a life coach once and a while.

And on a side note, if everyone can keep me in their prayers this week I’d greatly appreciate it. I’ll be in NYC until the 22nd for work and it’s long days and sometimes stressful and I’m not a huge fan of being in the city so yea…you get the picture

My Happy Box

proverb31girl — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:34:15 +0000

I’ll start off by saying that right now work is insane (the annual show I work on is next week) so that’s why I haven’t been posting as much as I want to.

Yesterday on the bus ride home I was quite annoyed by the fact that the “talkers” (those who talk the whole hour + bus ride home) had all spread themselves out so there was no where to sit and actually enjoy silence for my ride home. So although I didn’t mean to listen to people’s conversations, it was quite impossible not to. I overheard this lady telling this man that she has a happy box. It’s a box that she’s had for a long time and she puts things that make her happy in it. She has pictures of people, presents, cards, letters etc. It’s a cute idea. She said that she keeps it so that when she can’t handle life and needs a “pick me up” she has a reminder that life DOES have happy moments. I love the concept. But I couldn’t help but feel very sad for her. Sad because I remember the days of needing that. That’s why I have so many pictures and so many journals. I always needed something “just in case.” But the coolest thing that I realized is that I don’t need that anymore. Sure it’s great to have a box of happy moments but I have the happiest thing with me at all times – the love, joy and peace of God – and it goes with me wherever I go. All I have to do is open the word, get in prayer, look out the window at nature, think about past blessings or just think about Him and what Jesus did for me on the cross to open my “box.” I just wanted to run over to her and tell her that there is another way. There is something she could do to have a happy box with her at all times and it doesn’t weigh a thing! But of course I didn’t – because sometimes I’m like that. One day I hope that changes.